Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Not Your Typical Grandmother

You would never put my Grandmother in the "sweet, little old lady" category. Not that she isn't sweet. It's just that she isn't your typical Grandmother. Yes, she knits and reads bedtime stories but she also says and does some pretty outrageous things. Let's put it this way at my third grade "Grandparents Day" my Grandmother came in on roller skates and announced to the class with arms wide open, "I AM JENNIFER BAKER'S GRANDMOTHER!" I think she also bowed too.
Needless to say, holiday get-togethers with Granny tend to be interesting. Need examples? Here are two of my favorite. For some reason, the subject of funerals came up (not sure why). Grandma proceeded to tell her daughters and grandchildren that she would like a Viking Funeral. What is a Viking Funeral? It is when you send the deceased out on a wooden raft surrounded by fire kindling and from the shore line your fellow Vikings (or in our case friends and family) shoot flaming arrows at the raft so the raft and deceased burn and the ashes are spread in the Ocean. You think, "oh she must be kidding." She's not. So guess who is probably going to have to find the permit for this when she dies.
Perhaps my all time favorite, everyone thought it would be nice if Granny took a picture with all her many grandchildren. So as we gathered to take the picture someone commented, "boy there sure are a lot of us." Just so you have a frame of reference my Grandmother had 7 children. At that point my Grandmother says, "well, if I didn't like sex so much none of you would have been here." Need I say more.
This year was no exception, apparently she commented how she would really find an adult bib useful. So my Aunt Chris had one made up for her. Was my Granny insulted no, she actually loved it and asked could she get more.
People may call her crazy and some others have said she has started to lose her wits about her but I say I would rather be considered crazy than boring - it makes life more fun. However, I think Wally said it best on the car ride home that night, "Boy, I love your grandmother. People may say she is losing her wits about her, but I say the people that claim this don't have any wit themselves." You couldn't be more right Wally.

No comments: